Excuse Me

Bridal Magazines suck. Not a little. A lot. Not a little. I know we are all always talking about how much they suck but seriously. They. SUCK. They aren't just bad self esteem machines (also: Dear J. Crew and your sample size eights, eff the eff off) but they are full of stupid things, and ugly bikinis that say 'Just Married' on the bum and articles about Fun and Flirty Fuchsia weddings (Not all weddings need to be formal and sophisticated! Embrace your flirty personality! Have a Lingerie Shower!! and SEQUINS on everything) and they seem to think that David should wear an effing white tux (also: Tuxes make me sick a little bit) and I think anyone would be SHOCKED by the tulle. Seriously. (please note that I like ruffles a lot, I just bought a ruffly shenanigan of a skirt for which I assume I will be judged harshly, but swags of tulle in churches make me ill). No wonder we are all constantly referencing Martha, because she is the only one who doesn't tell us to drape tulle or dress our biddies in SHINY SHINY SHINY hot pink with rhinestones.

Here is my real conundrum: I'm kind of quirky. I bought a tutu, I'm having my reception in a barn, and I really want my westie in some of my wedding pictures (she's crazy cute) but I really also want to have invitations Amy Vanderbilt would fully support and I want to say EXACTLY the Roman Catholic nuptial vows said by my great grandparents in NY in 1890. I want flowers and something blue and I would really like to wear my grandma's veil. The Blogs are really not sufficient. ESB is awesome but she's not the whole picture I'm looking for. So please traditional wedding media, stop sucking. Or suck a little less? Martha Stewart weddings doesn't come out often enough.