I like paste and glitter and construction paper as much as the next girl and thanks to Amanda at First Milk this Valentines Day is full of those nice things but being single old me the holiday is really about survival. I went to buy tissue paper yesterday and the drug store was selling massive teddy bears the size of me for stupid boys to buy stupid girls (who wants a teddy bear the size of me? stupid stupid) so I will impart my personal survival kit (Mary also participates in the sacred rituals detailed below) which has kept me boozy and happy many a miserable February the 14th.
1) Duvets - what do those with blankets and sheets do? Mine is from Cuddledown and is nine million years old and very heavy for squashing emotion and any burgeoning feelings of love.
2) Stoli is my brand of choice but Mary prefers Mr. Boston because it tastes like sorrow and broken dreams. Either way. Should be consumed Straight From Bottle.
3) If you don't own Fatal Attraction and Body Heat you probably hate yourself, which is sad. Don't hate yourself, I love you. All love ends like this love, women are killed or forced to run to the tropics after eating men alive. You could probably eat a man alive. Probably have. Think about that. (Romeo and Juliet can be substituted but keep in mind that you will never love like that, and no one as good looking as Leonardo DiCaprio will ever love you, try Kissing Jessica Stein) instead.
4) Chinese food is key, extra points for greasy lo mein. P. F. Chang's Shrimp and Candied Walnuts pretty much rocks my socks too but they don't deliver. Delivery is key.
5) Godiva, nuff said.
6) Kleenex - WHY AM I ALONE AGAIN!?!
7) Elastic waist bands are crucial at times like these. Tepper Jackson makes some pretty yummy ones.
8) Because I CAN'T LIVE IF LIVING IS WITHOUT YOU
9) To be consumed with vodka and chocolates. Or by itself.
Good luck to you all.
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