Quel Horreur

This weekend a middle aged lady asked me what race I was, I have big hair so I get that a lot in the south where its acceptable to ask questions about one's mother's fidelity. I told her I was Scottish and she beamed at me and said "I knew you weren't white!" hmm... Now back to our regularly scheduled programing.

I am looking for bathing suits. Sister #2 and I are plotting a trashy spring break trip to Florida (her from college, me from post collegiate misery). Red Roof Inn Panama City, here we come! We're bringing a gay friend and a bag of books and I'm not going to buy minors alcohol but what they do while I'm sun bathing is not my problem. This is not a holiday about spas and pamperage, no this is a holiday about Denny's and sand in your shoes and bad tv and cheap sunglasses. In general the gay friend is going to entertain S2 while I lie on the beach and read. For said reading I am going to need a suit. Suit shopping is traumatic because I am twelve feet tall and about a milkshake away from being Aretha Franklin (oh to have a hat like hers). So I will not look like the girl above in the suit above. Can't wear halter tops since tits don't fit in them - no never, they don't. I know, believe me. So the hunt for a suit that makes me lovely and not monsterous is on. This is not a one post issue - no this is a blog in and of itself. If anyone has found one they think isn't traumatizing or has thoughts let me know, I'll buy you a cookie if you find me a swim suit. A chocolate macaroon. I'm serious.



After eating that chocolate macaroon you wouldn't look like the girl above. No. This one is also from Victoria's Secret and is very tempting. And its pink.



On the far cheaper end of the spectrum is this, which could go very Little Children or could go very very homeless. Points for red, subtract for looks a bit cheap.



This is neither red nor cheap but is, as Juicy Couture so often is, expensive and a bit trashy. And a bit fun. Maybe just right for Panama City?




There is always the old standby Land's End. Its only fifty bucks, ruching defines your waist! Fabric provides UPF 50 sun protection! Features twist-back straps that stay in place! A control lining smoothes you front and back! Leg-lengthening "2" leg height!! I'll be twinsies with all the mummie's on the beach but I won't flash anyone. And its available in 'Soft Coral Rose'!! Quel horreur, I'm becoming my mum...