This weekend was spent at home. Well, not home, exactly, but the city that has felt more like my home than my actual home has felt for the last few years. Like Hannah, I am one of those girls who laments the fact that college ended. I probably could have done another full round at said school and probably would have, had I been asked. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I'm not where exactly I hoped I would be a year after graduation or maybe it's because I feel like I haven't had any real direction since college ended. Whatever the case, I wish I hadn't had to graduate. College was safe. I could talk all I wanted about what I wanted to do or be once I left, two things that are very easy to talk about when you're still confined within the campus gates. A year later I feel I know less about myself than I did a year ago. Gone are my career plans that I was a hundred and ten percent sure that I wanted. In its place is a whole lot of grey. I know I want to see more of the world, but don't have the means to go about it at the moment, and I know I want to go to grad school, but as for what and when, well, I'm still pretty much in the dark. It is a very frustrating situation. Trust.
This weekend, although lovely, was in fact a bittersweet reminder that college is over. As I stated before, I am a walking talking cliche, but I love the Dave Matthews Band and, like thousands of other college students, listened religiously throughout library sessions, escaping icy moments with roommate(s), to and from class, on trips to the coffee shop, through hangovers and heartache-ingly bad days, and all those other in between moments that come with growing up and living away from home for the first time. It's really beautiful to listen to the music and have the sensory memories of college reappear and long for the days when everything was happy, even on the very worst days, and I could go back to my room to my best friends there and forget everything bad. My friends are scattered all over the place now and it's very hard not having that security blanket.
At the concert I stared at the people around me: college boys in Red Sox hats and polo shirts, baggy in that preppy kind of way and pretty girls with thick hair in tiny jeans and college sweatshirts, all drinking beer and smoking pot and hugging and drunkenly singing. Normally it would have bugged me. This time it didn't. In fact, I was a little envious.
*Vineyard Vines whale hat (I KNOW. But there are not many images on google of not heinous baseball hats)